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In The Chair with Toby Ingham
Posted by Julie Voyce on May 12, 2008 10:17 AM
A woman I'll call Carol, flinches whenever a car races past her; three years ago her husband was run over and killed by a reckless driver. The driver was given a brief custodial sentence and a year driving ban, but for Carol everything changed - for her his death is a life sentence.
She feels terribly alone. She still does some of the things she used to do with him, she lives in the house they lived in, but she is alone now and it no longer seems like a home. She still has his car, she can't bear to part with it but she can't afford to keep it. She is sometimes angry with him - why wasn't he more careful that day? These feelings make her feel guilty and disloyal to him.
Their friends were kind and patient with her but despite their best intentions she felt awkward, no longer part of a couple. She felt like a bore always talking about her loss, but it is often the only thing on her mind, so after a while she stopped talking to them about it. Recently her doctor has prescribed sleeping pills which do help. People tell her they know how she feels, that they've been through it, but they haven't, they didn't lose him. His death has shaken her confidence in everything. She knew grief was natural and painful but she didn't know it was such an exhausting emotion. At first Carol had some brief counselling but she couldn't really take to it, she just couldn't find the motivation. It didn't feel like there was anything brief about her situation.
We behave as though we know so much, as though so much of life is certain.
We get used to the notion that we can fix everything quickly, that everything in life can be improved and made better, but not everything can be made better. Some things just have to be endured and lived with, through time we may find a way of accepting things but these events will always be a part of who we are.
Every time a car speeds past Carol she still can't help wishing it would slow down.
Toby Ingham
UKCP Psychotherapist & Counsellor
www.counsellingbuckinghamshire.co.uk
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On The Beat: Chesham
Posted by Julie Voyce on May 2, 2008 12:10 PM
RESIDENTS of the Chesham West neighbourhood have been urged to take part in Neighbourhood Action Group (NAG) activities and make it an integral and essential part of their community.
Speaking after the first NAG meeting in Chesham recently, the deputy mayor of the Chesham Town Council, Alison Pirouet said: “I believe the NAG initiative is a good one, but the community must participate more to make it community-led with supporting roles from the police, local councils and other agencies.”
The call was echoed by Tina Gatherum, who owns a business and lives in Chesham: “I do feel we need to get the community into this project and I am keen to identify some areas that we can work on.
“If we can get people involved in putting right the small things the NAG can make a difference and it will be easier to get everyone involved in more key issues”.
Annie Sweet, a local resident who represented Little Spring School at the meeting said: “With the right group and agencies involved this will work and it is what the community needs. Dealing with issues in the community is important so we all need to get involved.”
The NAG has set its three the top neighbourhood priority as anti-social behaviour, speeding and drugs.
At the meeting, the NAG set a number of actions and tasks which will be completed by nominated people from the community. They will be responsible for responding to issues that have been identified by the local community.
A date for the next meeting has been set for Wednesday, May 21 at the Chesham Town Hall.
The neighbourhood team, which is dedicated to tackling crime and quality of life issues in Chesham West, consists of Sgt Learie Bacchus, PC Gary Blackburn, Neighbourhood Specialist Officer, and Poilce Community Support Officer Charlotte Brand. The team can be contacted via the 24-hour Police Enquiry Centre on 0845 8 505 505.
All communities in Buckinghamshire have dedicated neighbourhood policing teams – there are 57 across the county – who work in partnership with the local councils, fire service and community and residents’ associations represented on the local neighbourhood action groups.
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The Friends of Lowndes Park
Posted by Julie Voyce on April 14, 2008 2:39 PM
Dates For Your Diary
From Little Acorns too many Oak trees grow!
April 20 (Provisional Date. Time to be confirmed) - we are hoping to have a volunteer session removing some of the oak saplings from the upper park.
Please bring suitable footwear and spades and forks if you have them. We are hoping to join forces with other groups so if you are able to come please give me a ring and I will give you the confirmed details
More information from Michael Rowan 785146 or michael.rowan@ntlworld.com
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The Friends of Lowndes Park
Posted by Julie Voyce on November 12, 2007 10:41 AM
Open letter from the Chair of the Lowndes Park steering group
To all of those people who donated money towards the restoration of the Elm Avenue in Lowndes Park.
I have recently been sent a copy of a letter addressed to you all from the Chairman of the Chesham Society.
The letter expresses sadness that this particular project is not to be taken forward and returns the money that you had previously donated.
It also offers two options of how the money might be spent should you still retain the wish to donate the money.
I realise that you must all be disappointed and I wish to assure you that the decision was not taken lightly. I do not know how wide the original consultation was for the planting of the avenue, but I do know that we asked for opinions on the planting or otherwise of the avenue in the current proposal and that the overwhelming view was against.
As the Chairman of the Chesham Society points out in his letter, any sum that can be raised towards the bid will be increased by further 75 per cent if we are successful in winning the Heritage Lottery Bid.
Lowndes Park desperately needs trees. It is important that trees are planted each year so that we can hand the park over to future generations to enjoy as we ourselves have enjoyed it.
Failure to plant more trees will see an aging tree stock fall over at roughly the same time, bequeathing a park without trees to take over and provide a structure for the landscape.
So if you could be persuaded to donate the returned money to the park it would be put to very good use for the enjoyment and benefit of many of the residents of the town.
Whatever you decide to do, I am more than happy to discuss with each and every one of you how the final decision was reached and what the arguments were put forward.
My contact details are available through the town council or from the Chairman and Treasurer of the Chesham Society
Michael Rowan
Chair of the Lowndes Park Steering Group and Friends of Lowndes Park
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The Friends of Lowndes Park
Posted by Julie Voyce on September 24, 2007 10:30 AM
By Michael Rowan
Chair of the Friends of Lowndes Park
TWO weeks ago Chesham Town centre was filled with young people, meeting friends, standing in groups and almost all heading to the park. And yes, I dare say that some were spitting and swearing and being a fraction loud.
There was nothing like this in my day (late 60s early 70's) we had to manage with a table tennis table and a record player from which we graduated to pubs and clubs, usually before it was strictly legal.
I can remember meeting outside with groups of friends but cannot remember spitting or swearing, although that may be more to do with selective memory, from a time in which I was a model citizen bent on helping old ladies across the street and returning my library books on time.
So I can only admire and offer my congratulations to the organisers of the recent rave in the park, for producing a well managed, well stewarded, and clearly appealing event.
Continue reading "The Friends of Lowndes Park" »
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My Ingredients for Adulthood
Posted by Mary Schwartz on August 30, 2007 6:33 PM
"I'll tell you when you're older". Or perhaps more frustratingly, "You will understand when you are older"!
I am sure that we are all familiar with these patronising statements, all too whimsically thrown out by older brothers, sisters, friends and parents. But as we grow older, are we really enlightened? Do we suddenly understand and have all the answers to the uncertainty and tricky scenarios that life throws at us? I am beginning to realise that the answer to this question is a resounding no.
Continue reading "My Ingredients for Adulthood" »
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The Friends of Lowndes Park
Posted by Michael Rowan on July 26, 2007 10:03 AM
Of course, I have heard of blogs before. It’s just that I have never actually read one. As a consequence I am not sure how this is going to turn out. Should it be serious and offer a sense of gravitas or should it be more light hearted and depict the fun associated with Lowndes Park?
Time will tell, and as I understand it, people reading this will be able to feed in comments which I suspect will shape future entries. So already I am trying to get you to do the work and as people who know me well would say, "no change there!"
Clearly the broad subject matter is Lowndes Park, but I am not averse to discussing other parks and their issues and of course as Chair of the Friends, this blog will concentrate on the development of the Friends of Lowndes Park.
Continue reading "The Friends of Lowndes Park" »
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